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Undoing the Time

I had an arranged marriage. I got married in January, 2011. My husband and I didn't want children at least until a year but I got pregnant in March of 2011.

We were hardly three months into marriage and we hardly knew each other well.  As a result we took a decision to get an abortion since we needed more time to spend settling down before kids.  It was very difficult for me to take this step.

But at the time the doc suggested it was fine.  And that she had done it so many times to people and people had no issues in their next pregnancy.

As time went on after the abortion I felt bad about myself.  I felt scared God will punish me and in fact he has punished.  I was recently five months pregnant and I lost my baby due to cervix incompetence.

I feel all alone sometimes even though my husband is showing me his complete support.

I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for what I did. And I am the kind of person who would have done this.  I sometimes wish I could undo the time.


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