1. I was raped and believed the lie that I had "a right" to end the pregnancy. I was selfish and was scared to bring a child into the world under my circumstances. I was desperate and listened to the lies of the enemy.
2. I chose the "twilight abortion" so I was asleep and wasn't aware of anything during the procedure.
3. Like I wanted to run out of the clinic (run from what I had done). A little numb emotionally. Reality hadn't hit me yet.
4. Extreme hate towards myself. Deep regret and sorrow. Feeling like I wanted to escape and end it all (my life) and that I didn't deserve to be alive. Deep sorrow. I was depressed and wasn't functioning normal - couldn't even get out of bed. Very angry and anxious about everything. No joy, just despair and loneliness. I eventually lived in denial just to survive. It also affected me physically (panic attacks and sinus/breathing problems).
5. Surrendering the Secret Bible Study and discovering the truth of God's Word - replacing all the lies. Many prayers and support of people at my church. Forgiveness towards the man who raped me, forgiveness of myself and anyone who influenced my decision. And ultimately - finding, believing and accepting God's love, grace and mercy. And knowing in my heart what Jesus did on the cross for me.