Good Morning. I am Jerry and I am a farmer from Lancaster County. I am also a post abortion father. Public opinion would suggest that men are not supposed to be affected by abortion. That is wrong. I can bear witness to the fact that men are actually very affected by their involvement.
Thirty-five years ago I had a relationship with a girl that ended in an abortion. It actually seemed convenient at the time and was kept a total secret. What I didn’t realize then was how this would affect me for the next 30 plus years of my life. Without my even realizing it, the guilt of what I had been part of created anxiousness, anxiety, and an anger hidden deep inside of me that I just could not understand.
My father and I were very close and when he died of brain cancer two years ago, my anger finally boiled over. My wife insisted that I get help. Through my counseling for anger, my experience with abortion finally came to the surface. I was connected with a post abortion counselor at a local pregnancy center. As I worked through a study called “Healing a Fathers Heart”, I realized how deeply this spirit of abortion had gripped my life. It had deeply affected my thought life, it had adversely affected relationships with family and others, and it had kept me distant from my God. I was so angry at those responsible for my daughter’s death that I really wanted to hurt them.
When I finally forgave those responsible for killing my little girl, there was a huge weight lifted off of me. The power of forgiveness was like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. It was miraculous, life changing, and brought me tremendous freedom. I was free of the anxiety, the anger, and the anxiousness that had been with me for so many years. Relationships with family and others that had been difficult for years suddenly changed. I feel closer to God then I had ever felt in my life. I now have a joy in living that I have never experienced before.
I will probably never stop grieving for my daughter but I can tell you that I no longer carry the guilt and shame of what I have done. I have been forgiven and, Praise the Lord, I am free at last and THAT IS WHY I WILL BE SILENT NO MORE!