When I was seventeen, I had just graduated from high school. I looked forward to college and eventually marriage and family.
But those dreams of love and happiness turned into a nightmare when my parents forced me to have an abortion.
The problem was that I was still a minor. And the love of my life and father of my unborn child was a few years older than me.
My parents threatened to charge him with statutory rape, if I didn’t have an abortion.
I felt trapped. And I was trapped.
For no amount of tears, begging or pleading changed my parents’ mind that awful day they drove me to the clinic.
When my name was called and I was led down a long hallway, I tried to escape - only to be dragged back into an operating room where my baby was sucked away.
After that my life fell apart.
I dropped out of college.
I stopped going to church.
And I tried to destroy my own life – as my baby’s life had been destroyed
I sought to block out the ugliness and the violence of the abortion as well as everything and everyone connected with it.
I was angry. I was bitter. I was filled with shame and guilt – convinced that not even God could forgive me. I refused to forgive - myself or others. And I sank into a deep depression.
But God never stopped loving me. He heard my prayers and led me to Rachel’s Vineyard.
Where for the first time in thirty years I was able to share my grief, guilt, and anger and mourn my baby.
I finally found the peace I was looking for – and was able to honor the life that had once been in my womb.
The pain and shame I felt was replaced by love and tenderness for my child.
And this is why, secure in God’s forgiveness and healing grace, I am Silent No More.