I was sixteen and became pregnant. I was told it was “My Choice”, this is the first Grandchild and I had to live with the decision. At 3 mo’s along, I was told during the night that I would not be having my baby and that an abortion was scheduled for 9:00 am the next morning. All was taken care of! I could not bring shame to my family. It was the best thing! I begged to be sent to a home or give my baby up for adoption. I was told to contact no one. It was only hours that I had left to hold on to the life growing inside me.
I had no idea that I would be such a part of the decision of Roe v Wade while learning in History class of the decision our country made and what really happens from an abortion. No one spoke to me at the clinic. There were 3 nurses and a Dr . No sedation or anesthesia for pain. Two nurses held me down. Horrified over what was happening to me and my baby I began to cry out. A nurse placed a washcloth in my mouth telling me to bite down on it , My screams were stifled There were so many women in recliners crying and in pain. Now, the problem was solved I was told and we would never speak of it again.
My spirit broken, I was numb. I just blocked out the abortion. The bizarre night behavior started. I developed an eating disorder, had unhealthy relationships and promiscuity. Even after taking leaves from work to be hospitalized three (3) times and five (5) outpatient programs I never once told anyone that I had an abortion.
I began counseling at my church. I attended a retreat for healing that gave me strength to face my wounds, shame and suffering and taught me the love of God and His forgiveness.
After 40 yrs, I have no guilt or shame. I do not fear the dark and am surrounded by a great light from God. I am whole again. I share these wounds with other’s to know that there is healing after abortion I walk in the Light! And this is why, I am Silent No More!