At seventeen I got pregnant with my first daughter. I knew abortion was wrong, so I had her. I ran into some bumps along the way and became an addict shortly after she was born -something I'm not proud of. So, when I got pregnant again four years later, there was no way I was having a baby. I was an addict and wrapped up in the moment of meth and not willing to get clean. Everyone I was surrounded by was high too, and they played a part in the horrible decision I deal with today.
I went to the clinic and told them my story. They were so quick to help -at least that's what I thought. The day of my procedure I was high and not given the medicine to put me to sleep. I remember lying there looking at the lights, holding a nurse’s hand, and thinking to myself, what am I doing? Is this the right thing? Then, I remember, the doctor came in. He said very little to me and did his thing. All I remember is some cramping and a loud vacuum sound, and the nurse looking sad but trying to comfort me at the same time. Now that I think about it, she looked conflicted.
When the doctor was done, he left, saying nothing to me. The women in the room got me dressed. Because I was not under meds, I was able to walk out, and when I did it was horrible. They had rooms filled with drugged girls and women lying there moaning and trying to wake up. They were just lying there close together or on top of each other. The nurse or clinic worker told me, if I had any complications of bleeding, to come back, but no one ever called to check up on me.
When I think of that tragic day I always wonder to myself, why did no one reach out and ask, do you want to get clean? Or even tell me facts about the baby and his development? Why are we not told these things? I did not find out about this development until I got pregnant again many years later.
When my oldest, who was then six years old, got taken away from me, that's what made me get clean. Then I got married, got pregnant, and really started to look at the development of the baby, and that's when it hit me that what I did was wrong, and now I live with it every day.
Today I help women I come across understand what amazing development a baby has in the womb. It is a blessing that God has entrusted to me to have babies after this and to make a difference in the world.