Mothers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Fathers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Former Abortion Providers
Women Who Chose Life
Mothers of Large Families
Children conceived through rape
Stories of pro-life commitment
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My life was no longer a lie
I had an abortion when I was 27, and my life has never been the same. I knew it was wrong, even though I was not religious at the time. I justified it, and my boyfriend (now husband) encouraged it. I was very sick with Lyme's disease at the time and could barely walk so I told myself that the baby would be sick with all the antibiotics. The day of the abortion I wanted someone to stop me. I felt like I was going to my execution. I couldn't stop crying and shaking and I couldn't look at my boyfriend. I went to a very "nice" looking doctor's office in San Francisco, but once I got into the procedure room I felt like they were treating me like a criminal. I told them the painkillers they had given me weren't working, but they proceeded anyway. I shook uncontrollably and cried the whole time. When I got home I lay on the couch and cried the rest of the day.
I put it behind me, but I drank and took drugs quite a bit then. When I had my first child a couple of years later I was horribly depressed and started to see a therapist. After the birth of my second child I had horrible anxiety and had to be put on anxiety drugs because I felt like my life was becoming hell. I was a horrible mother in my mind, "unnatural," and thought my children would be better off without me. We moved to the east coast and my descent continued. I worked all the time and my husband really took care of the children. I was a mess. By some miracle my husband suggested we go to a Catholic church one day and the priest preached the whole sermon on abortion. I felt like he was looking at me the whole time, and I wept. We decided to become Catholics and on my first confession I told that same priest about my abortion and he cried. This was the first time that someone recognized what I had done and my life was no longer a lie. I went to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat after the birth of my third child and the grace was poured out. It was beautiful and heart wrenching.
I want everyone out there to know that abortion is not a solution. I will live with the pain of this for the rest of my life, but there is forgiveness and I am Silent No More!
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