Mothers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Fathers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Former Abortion Providers
Women Who Chose Life
Mothers of Large Families
Children conceived through rape
Stories of pro-life commitment
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I felt I deserved it.
I had my abortion just after my 19th birthday. Unfortunately, this was not an informed decision as no one told me of the negative repercussions to this procedure. I had been told by my doctor and my friends that it was a simple procedure.
I was not in a healthy relationship at that time and I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant. I chose not to talk to those that would have understood my situation. I did not think I would be able to look after a child on my own, so I thought that this would be an easy out “no one will ever know”.
The morning after the abortion I had a nightmare that I was falling down a tunnel. As I was falling, I saw people who had been in my life while I was growing -up. Each one of them said to me “what did you do?” I woke up in a panic and I realized then that this wasn’t as simple as I had been told. I had taken my babies life. To rationalize my feelings I told myself I did what I had to do and no one will ever know.
Soon after the abortion, the father of the aborted baby started abusing me. The pain I felt inside was nothing compared to the pain of getting slapped. I did not care. I felt I deserved it. I hated myself.
I had the abortion just after my 19th birthday. After that I hated my birthdays, but I didn’t know why. Ten years after the abortion I found out that anniversary dates can bring up old emotions.
For years I would randomly get a lump in my throat as though I was going to cry, but I did not know why I was feeling like this. I later found out that this was a sign of being stuck in the grieving process. I never allowed myself to grieve over my loss, I felt I made the choice; therefore, I did not have the right to cry.
This experience took my self-esteem, self-worth, and my confidence. It has taken me a long time to heal from having the abortion, to let go of the regret and to forgive myself for making that decision. I regret my abortion and this is why I am silent no more.
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