Mothers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Fathers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion
Former Abortion Providers
Women Who Chose Life
Mothers of Large Families
Children conceived through rape
Stories of pro-life commitment
America Will Not Reject Abortion Until America
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign, A Project
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Free of the pain and the guilt
In May of 1979, I was a very frightened girl. I was having a baby. In fact, I was so afraid of what my parent’s reaction would be and what could happen to me and my family, that I had an abortion.
I was in shock when I went to have my abortion and I think I remained in shock for a long time after it. The painful experience of my abortion was buried so deep that I did not even begin to really think about it or remember it until 24 years later.
I remember lying on the table during the abortion and feeling as if the life inside of me was being sucked out. I cried during the entire procedure and as the tears kept streaming down my face, I sang the song “I Don’t Know How to Love Him.” It’s a song from Godspell that Mary Magdalene sings about Jesus. And that’s how I felt. I was not loving my God and, as I found out afterwards, my abortion was the most unloving thing I could do to myself and my daughter.
For years after my abortion, the guilt, shame, and pain weighed me down. I had done something that was immoral and unthinkable. And I continued on a path in my life and in relationships that compromised my morals, hurt my body, and made me feel less and less proud of myself.
Many people saw me as a successful loving and spiritual person. What they didn’t know was that I lived in fear. Fear in telling the secret of my abortion, fear of getting too close to a man, fear of being too close to God. I was afraid of dealing with the most hurtful, traumatic experience in my life.
Twenty four years after my abortion that changed. My involvement in my church lead to a phone call asking me to help with a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. I began to cry. Except this time they were tears of relief because I finally could share and deal with my abortion and not be afraid anymore. That year happened to be the same year I opened my heart to a man, and I got married. My husband joined me on the weekend that changed my life for the better. I am free. Free of the pain and the guilt. And it is because of the support of my family, my husband and my daughter Gabrielle that I stand here today. You see, my daughter waited a long time for me to finally acknowledge her and love her. And I think it is because of that and the fact that she’s a very spunky girl from Brooklyn that she inspires me and gives me the courage to be Silent No More.
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