I had an abortion when I was 17, because I thought completing the pregnancy would interfere with finishing high school and getting into the college I wanted. I didn't like the judgmental looks of others. And, frankly, my home life was stressful enough without adding a pregnant teenager to the mix. It's a complicated story, but I wrote it all out in my memoir, ReTested.
During the procedure, I felt like part of a factory. It was all about getting the job done and moving on to the next abortion. It was not a caring environment; It was an indifferent one. They had too many abortions to perform to provide any comfort or care for me or any of the other women. It was eerily quiet in the waiting room and in the recovery room.
During the abortion, I felt my joy leave me when my daughter was sucked away. Then I was just numb. I described myself as the walking dead for 14 years--and that was before there was a TV show by that name.
About a year after, I became a believer in Christ. I felt like God tenderly changed my thinking on abortion and on my own abortion. My healing process actually took many steps over 17 years--all of which could have been done sooner, if I had known that healing classes were available.
I found help and forgiveness first through relationship with Christ and then later through Surrendering the Secret, which is a healing program. I highly recommend it!
I have been on both side of the debate--adamantly pro-choice (volunteering, marching) and now boldly pro-life (speaking, publishing, teaching, marching). God has been so kind to heal me completely, and I feel joy and all the other emotions more than ever before—freedom is awesome! And that's why I'm silent no more.