I Came Out of the Darkness

In 1995, I became pregnant with my live-in boyfriend.  I contemplated abortion for over 5-weeks while people close to me gave me reasons of why I should have abortion while I tried to convince them and myself that everything would be okay.  I came up with baby names and continued to seek a supportive ear.  I visited Planned Parenthood twice before the abortion.  Over and over, I was told that all the issues I had would go away.  They were going to help me, and it would be better for me to wait to have children when I could afford it.  

The day of the abortion, my mom and I walked in together and she brought her checkbook.  I was numb and somber, sad and depressed that I couldn’t find support.  The staff checking me in was very rude and said that once I paid, I would not get my money back if I left.  They handed me a pill and told me it would be like a strong aspirin or Tylenol, but I started to feel tingly and no feeling.  In the operating room, the nurse barely spoke, just instructed.  The doctor came into the room with a mask on and only spoke with the nurse.  It is a very disturbing feeling to be baring everything and allowing someone to touch you most private space without ever speaking to you.  I wanted to run, but my body couldn’t move.  I cried and the doctor yelled at the nurse saying that he thought I wanted the procedure done! 

After the abortion, my boyfriend and I broke up and got back together several times. A month after the abortion I attempted to take my life while downhill skiing and broke my neck.  Drugs, alcohol, men and a promiscuous life consumed and numbed me until I learned to fake happiness and accept my cold and hardened heart.  I became harsh and mean.  I wanted to be tough because I was so broken inside.  I suffered nightmares, flashbacks and panic attacks for years.  

I was never able to have children naturally.

In August of 2008, (13 years later) I completed a healing bible study called Forgiven and Set Free for women who had had an abortion.  That year and over the next were very hard as I faced truth and learned to forgive many things in my past.  I came out of that darkness a completely new person.  I thank God for never leaving my side, for forgiveness, never ending grace, and the gift of knowledge that I have a son in heaven.  His name is Jared.

I don’t believe that healing, peace, joy and freedom would be possible without my Lord and Savior.  Jesus is my light and life now.  Because of the freedom and forgiveness I have received, I can share my story to help others find healing - and that is why, I am Silent No More!

Priests for Life
PO Box 236695 • Cocoa, FL 32923
Tel. 321-500-1000, Toll Free 888-735-3448 • Email: mail@priestsforlife.org