Longing for My Lost Baby

I had an abortion because my husband did not want the baby. When I first realized I was pregnant; I was happy.  But when I told my husband, he was afraid, because he had just started college, and didn't know how we were going to support our family financially.  We already had two children at the time, who were one and three years old, and I had just started my career in teaching piano.

During the abortion procedure, I felt numb and tried not to think about it. The doctor and staff were very kind, but also seemed detached from their job of removing children from the womb.  I overheard a nurse say to a beautiful young woman, a couple years younger than I, "How many times does this make for you, number 3?"  I felt tremendous sorrow for the girl.

Afterward, I was relieved, then angry at my husband.  I began to deeply regret our decision.  When I found out that I was pregnant again, a few months later, I told him, "Never again", and he agreed.  But I could not forgive my husband or myself for not wanting this child, and we eventually divorced.

I am finding help and forgiveness here with "Silent No More".  But it is frightening too, coming to terms with this tragic choice.  If I'd only known how I'd feel afterwards, longing for my lost baby. I now want to tell others considering abortion, "Don't do it!"  If I had someone telling me, "God has a plan for this child, give her/him a chance!"  I would not have done it.  It's as simple as that!

Priests for Life
PO Box 236695 • Cocoa, FL 32923
Tel. 321-500-1000, Toll Free 888-735-3448 • Email: mail@priestsforlife.org