Testimonies

Afterwards I was Completely Empty, not Numb, Void

Paulette
       
I was 15 when I got pregnant with my first child. Her father left me and denied he was her father, my family was outraged, and I went away, with my brother and sister in law... my mother wanted me to stay, however I thought it would be best if I left... Later I was sent to an unwed mother’s home for 4 months... After my daughter was born, her father and I had gotten back together, and 2 and a half years later I got pregnant again... 

I had decided I could not have another child, and told my boyfriend that I wanted an abortion.  He just went along with it. When we got to the clinic I walked in alone, and met the doctor who promptly took my money, put it in his front shirt pocket and patted it several times... They gave me drugs to relax me, and during the procedure I begged them to stop.  I remember trying to get off the table, and being held down, I was saying how badly it hurts, and crying out several time and them telling me to be quiet.. Afterwards I was completely empty, void of feeling or emotion... not numb, void. I left my boyfriend shortly after...

Later I would think about my abortion daily, I had to bury it, and I did so with drugs, and men, jumped from one relationship to another, drugs, and more drugs... I hated myself, I had no self-esteem, and thought no one could love me, especially God... I ran from Him because I thought I had done the unforgivable.

In my community was a new mission called SOLT.. and little by little God chipped away the lie that I could not be forgiven, I got a spiritual director, started daily Mass, and went to adoration. My life has never been the same.  My spiritual director sent me to Rachel's Vineyard, and so much healing came from there, I no longer saw myself the same, I was and am a precious daughter of Christ. I have been called to receive the mercy of God!



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