I want to Heal, Not Forget

Thank you for allowing me into this group. The struggle has been beyond hard for me. I was 13 years old when I had my abortion. I thought then that "This is what I have to do to have a future" mostly because of both sides (father of the baby and my family) pressuring us. I was only a freshman in high school and what did I know? I knew I really didn't want to do this! I finally went to have it done with my mom and my grandma with me. I wanted to see the baby on the ultrasound before but they wouldn't let me, I was so scared. During the procedure, I remember waking up after and asking to see it. Why? I really have no idea, I had never been under sedation before so who knew how I would react! But the woman actually showed it to me! She showed a 13-year old girl the tub filled with blood and said "yeah your baby is in there". After I was put into the recovery room where most women were sitting on medal folding chairs, I woke up and asked for my mom. We left and the depression started. 

I ended up pregnant again at 15 after I had been on birth control for 2 years. The father tried to pressure me into yet another abortion and I told him absolutely not, never again! 

That baby boy is now 13 years old. I can't say that I didn't struggle but I had another son at 21 and married his father. 

I have a successful career, own our home and live an amazing life together, but the guilt and sadness that came from the day when I was 13 will haunt me for the rest of my life. I cannot have anymore children and to this day I wonder if that would have been my baby girl. My heartaches and I no have relief from it. 

I hope one day I can help other girls and women in my position, who feel they have no way out but I promise after having my oldest son I realized, life could have been worse and I couldn't imagine life without my children. I don't want to be silent anymore because even after 16 years it hurts and I am constantly thinking of it. I want to heal, not forget! I want to remember my baby and not make it "okay" that it happened. Thank you for your support and the chance to share my story.

Priests for Life
PO Box 236695 • Cocoa, FL 32923
Tel. 321-500-1000, Toll Free 888-735-3448 • Email: mail@priestsforlife.org