Deborah
Hello! My story is like so many. I was young and, dare I say naive, about abortion. I had been in love with my boyfriend for 2 years during high school. We had decided to get married. But his parents didn’t like me and were opposed to it. He ended our relationship about 3 months before my story begins. I went skating and he was there. We still had so much in common. We went out and one thing led to another. I had quit taking my birth control when we broke up because I was never going to have sex again!
The next morning, I knew I was pregnant. I waited 2 weeks. Negative test. 2 more weeks and it was positive. I told him. He didn’t want to talk about it. His father told him it was to trap his son in marriage and not true.
But it was true. I lived alone. My parents lived down the road. My mother said to have the baby. My father said I’ll support you whatever you decide. I went to the doctor to validate the test that I had purchased from the grocery store. When the doctor said I was pregnant I cried. I was raised better than this! How could I afford a child? I worked 2-3 jobs just to live in my apartment. I raised my fist up to God and asked why was this happening? As I waited for the city bus to come, I paced up and down the sidewalk shouting at God for my own poor choice. Up and down I went until suddenly a policeman was in front of me. With my tear-filled eyes and red face from crying he asked me what was wrong. I told him. He said my family would understand. My parents loved me. And still I chose a different path.
My father drove me to the clinic with my best friend. I remember crying the entire time I waited. We went into the room and I laid on the table. They brought in a machine that looked like a vacuum. The noise was overwhelming as they ripped that baby out of me, piece by piece. I can hear it now if I try to. But I didn’t want to think about that. So like Scarlet O’Hara I said I’d think of it another day.
If my child had lived, it would be 43 years old. I didn’t regret it in the beginning. I thought I was right. I told myself I was right. But God had other plans. I never had any other children naturally. I was married for 16 years and then 25 and tried but they never came. I began to look at myself and to honestly look at my situation. What I found was that I had been flippant about having an abortion. Everyone did it. But after years of pain and torment I can finally say I received God’s forgiveness through my 3 step-children and forgive myself for the poor decision I made.