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Answers from our Priests for Life Medical Team

Submitted by: J on  5/13/2010
Answered by: Matthew P. Harrison, M.D.
Topic: I had a miscarriage....
I had a miscarriage last week and I am devastated. My friends keep telling me I should be over it. I feel like I had a child die but no one seems to understand. I had a D and C but the doctor and nurses were very matter of fact about it and I never saw the baby. Am I wrong? Should I just forget about it?
Dear Jasmine,
You must be going through so much pain, I am so sorry for your loss. You feel like your child died because he or she did. You should be given time to mourn and grieve your loss. The medical community has done a poor job of supporting women in this area. Some of the attitudes you are facing are directly the result of living in a culture where abortion is acceptable and even promoted. People often seem callous or uncaring because they have been told that your baby was not a person but rather a collection of cells or blob of tissue. In fact, your son or daughter was a living human being that has suffered the tragedy of living in a fallen world. God does not desire death for anyone, even a new baby. But death entered the world because of mankind’s choice to disobey God and thankfully He has sent Christ to bridge the gap back to Him. But we all still suffer from death. My wife and I have suffered two miscarriages, one was a set of twins. We cared for these babies as we would any other child of ours that died. One way that I suggest that couples heal from a miscarriage is to name your child and baptize the tiny body of the baby as soon as possible after a miscarriage. Even if you cannot find the baby, you or a priest can baptize the body while it is in the products of the miscarriage. If possible, it is nice to bury the body it a small container and have a physical place to go and mourn your loss. I am currently trying to standardize the practice of asking the parents after a miscarriage at a hospital if they want to keep the remains for burial. Our children know that they have Lucy, Aloysius and Mary cheering them on from heaven and we think of them daily in our household with pictures of their patron saints on the wall. I pray that you will heal from your loss, Jasmine.

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