To Help Another Woman

        Growing up I was firmly pro-choice.  I felt that abortion was a necessary evil.  As a teenager/ young adult I struggled with depression and led a "party heavy" lifestyle with lots of drinking and promiscuity.  At the age of 24 I had failed out of college and had lost a number of jobs due to irresponsibility.  In March of 2003 I became pregnant shortly after starting to date my now husband.  I never even considered the possibility of keeping my baby.  I honestly didn't think it was an option.  I'd just started dating my then boyfriend and didn't trust the relationship.  I didn't have a job, I was drinking heavily at the time, and I didn't think my family would accept an out of wedlock baby.  I couldn't imagine the pain of giving a baby up for adoption.  I didn't allow myself to think of it as a real child and set up the abortion.

The experience at the clinic was surreal.  There was a waiting room full of women/girls.  I guess the clinic did a whole batch at one time.  I remember seeing the ultrasound picture and hearing that the baby was six weeks old. The procedure was extremely painful, and I remember the staff being cold and distant, but maybe that was me trying to remove myself emotionally from the experience.  I was given birth control pills and sent home. 

Immediately after the abortion I felt profound sadness and regret.  I didn't think I'd done anything wrong by having the abortion -- I felt that becoming pregnant was the problem.  In the months following the abortion I struggled deeply with depression.  I withdrew from friends and family, from everyone except my boyfriend.  I began to feel conflicted about sexual relations with my boyfriend, which continued even after we were married.  I knew that my abortion was the cause of these issues but I still hadn't come to terms with the fact that I had done a grave wrong -- that I had killed my child. 

It wasn't until my conversion to the Catholic faith that I began to really understand the value and sanctity of human life and understood what I had done -- that I had taken away a life.  As I look at my three living children, I think of what my first child would have looked like, what their personality would have been, etc.  I will always regret my abortion.  It was the greatest mistake of my life.

I have found help and forgiveness through faith in God's love and the sacrament of confession.  I hope to eventually participate in a healing program so that I can truly forgive myself. I am silent no more in the hopes that my words could possibly help another woman choose life for her child.

Priests for Life
PO Box 236695 • Cocoa, FL 32923
Tel. 321-500-1000, Toll Free 888-735-3448 • Email: mail@priestsforlife.org