During the abortion procedure I experienced the most horrible pain ever. It felt like my insides were being sucked out of me. Immediately after the abortion I felt ashamed, sad and knew right away what I had done was wrong, and regretted my decision.
I have found forgiveness not only from our God, but I have found forgiveness for me. 31 years after my abortion I have found forgiveness and I will be silent no more.
They did an ultrasound that they would not allow me to see. I remember the technician asking me how far along I was and being surprised...and saying, yes, I guess you are. I used that moment to convince myself that there was something wrong with the baby and justify getting an abortion for years. I was never given any other options, never had the process explained to me.
So, I panicked and gave in to the pressure put upon me. I had no support from anyone to keep the baby. And back then there were no protesters or prayer groups outside the abortion clinic. I remember lying on the table and feeling horrible and knowing that it was wrong and just wanting to get it over with.
The events which took place weigh heavily on my heart and I cannot adequately convey the utter despair which fell on me after my abortion.
I carried the shame and pain for years. I didn’t tell a soul of the hole that was in my heart. But in a church service the preacher was about to walk off stage and came back and said someone needs to be healed from the pain of abortion and I fell to my knees. I felt God meet me there. I felt love wash over me.
My three abortions have ruined my life. Brainwashed that abortion was 'normal' I reluctantly had these ops. I've had nightmares about the loss of my babies.
I scheduled an abortion in June 1993. I was taken to Planned Parenthood in Kansas City. The staff ushered me into an interview room. Asked a couple of questions. Given info on the vacuum type abortion. I was not offered any pre-abortion counseling.
I felt lightheaded and tired, then they performed the procedure. It was quick and I don't remember it being painful, but I felt very uncomfortable because everyone in the clinic was very quiet, eerily quiet, except for someone sobbing in another room.
I went through it in a dream state, not wanting to feel, just wanting it over with. The nurse held my hand during the procedure, that is the only memory of some sort of comfort. Afterwards my emotions were very broken, so much guilt, shame, secretness and pain.
I found myself alone and afraid. I moved out of state and into a family members home- There was not one person who supported me. No one telling me everything would be okay. No one wanted the burden of a baby. It was just easier to get rid of the problem.
Immediately after the abortion, I felt like a failure to my unborn child, especially after taking the second pill. All because I needed a place to live, and I didn't feel safe telling the father's family no, I was the one to end my child's life.