When I went home, I found out I was pregnant, I was told if I didn't do this I would be tossed out of the house.
I thought that having an abortion was going to be better for the baby and he would never have to suffer with a mother that couldn’t provide for him or give him the family that he deserved.
When I was 21, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with a man I had only just met a month prior. I was shocked, ashamed and so mad at myself. I instantly thought that abortion was my only true choice. I informed the father and while he didn't agree with me, he went along with it.
I am no longer silent, and it has been such a healing journey. I learned about forgiveness of a sin that I thought was unforgivable. Jesus was there and knew my story before I ever spoke a word. I was not alone! I made the connection between my silence and behaviors in my line.. depression, eating disorders, shame, regret, emptiness.
Mis primeras decisiones las tomé desde el miedo y la confusión. Mi primer aborto lo hice con pastillas, temiendo no tener apoyo de mi familia y sin orientación. Inmediatamente sentí un vacío profundo, miedo y dolor en mi corazón.
Being Christian, I said no and started to cry. He said that at that moment (at 8 weeks), it was just a piece of tissue, so I shouldn’t worry about anything. He also told me that they have counselors that can help me take an informed decision. All this happened in the Catholic nation of Colombia where abortions were still illegal…
While other girls my age were celebrating their sweet sixteen birthdays and stepping into womanhood with excitement, I was lying on an abortion table, ending the life of my first child. That was my tragic entrance into womanhood.
I chose abortion because I was afraid—afraid of being a single mother, of poverty, and of losing my future. I believed the lie that abortion was a quick fix and told myself it was “just a blob of tissue.”
I was 21 and had been raped, even still I wanted to keep my baby…too much pressure so I caved in.
There are too many women and men in this world, and even in our own Church, walking around with a painful secret that we need to confront. These women and men need to know that they can seek love and forgiveness here and, more importantly, with God. They need not face this painful secret alone; they can find forgiveness and healing. They can stop feeling the shame and guilt that comes with their secret.
My conscience said abortion was wrong, but I convinced myself it wasn't a baby yet. When a sidewalk counselor stopped me, I refused to listen. She represented the Holy Spirit trying to stop me. Internally, I was shaking my fist at God, refusing to listen to HIM.
At my planned parenthood appointment, it seemed abortion was no big deal. I was told it was only tissue removal and did not consider any other options. Within a month after my abortion, I attempted suicide and was admitted to mesa vista rehab. I was ashamed of myself for many reasons and continued to cover it with drug use and alcohol.