Only lately, within the last 5 years have I been able to talk about my choice. I also shared this choice I made and that it had broken me, with my 3 daughters at proper ages to let them know of consequences of having sex when you are not ready and hope that they will come to me before they decide to become active or are pregnant, unfortunately, this did not happen.
When the doctor took me into the procedure room, she asked me if I would like to see the ultrasound before we started. I will always remember that moment and regret it. I think that was the first-time reality really struck me and I came face to face with the fact that this was a real baby inside of me, and MY real baby. I remember thinking to myself that if I looked at that ultrasound, I would regret it for the rest of my life, if I saw it, it would be forever etched in my mind. So, I said no. To this day, I regret that immensely, because I realize now that if I had looked at that ultrasound, I may not have gone through with it.
Elaine and Melody’s testimonies
I was listening to my daughter’s heartbeat and my tears were sadness for my first child because at that point I understood my feelings on the table of the abortion clinic. I had felt so scared and afterwards I felt so lost and alone.
For any of you who have been pregnant, had a wife, or known someone who was pregnant, you know that your emotions are a lot different than they are normally. Your analytical skills aren’t what they should be, or at least mine weren’t. I went from a skilled analytical, decision maker, and leader to wanting someone else to make the decision. Completely out of my character - a basket case.
As the father of the aborted baby, I was not in the room where the abortion was performed, but I did go to the clinic with both women and both were devastated after having the abortion. I gave them obligatory support, but really did not connect with their pain
I’d also like to say please don’t let anyone else persuade you. It is your body, as pro-choice people often state, but they forget that for a lot of women abortion is just another form of women’s choices being taken, abused or manipulated by family members, friends or partners.
I knew immediately after the procedure was started that I had made a mistake. I could feel them pulling the life out of me, suctioning it out, and I screamed for them to stop. Please stop what you’re doing! But it was too late, as the nurses told me. It was over, it was done.
My fifth time I was on the table and God told me to walk out. I did as He said. I was homeless with a four-year old son. I found Harvest Home in Venice, CA and lived there until she was born. She is now a beautiful 21-year old who I believe saved my life.
The next day, at home alone with my infant son, I took the abortion pills. Within one hour I knew that everything the doctor had told me was a lie. I was bleeding so heavily, I believed I was dying. I was passing clots the size of baseballs, and I was in the worst physical pain of my life, worse than childbirth.
I felt relief finally being able to confess it, but the pain is still there. It will always be there and not knowing where my children's souls are and never being able to hold them or see them is emotionally devastating.
If I'd only known how I'd feel afterwards, longing for my lost baby. I now want to tell others considering abortion, "Don't do it!" If I had someone telling me, "God has a plan for this child, give her/him a chance!" I would not have done it. It's as simple as that!
If I'd only known how I'd feel afterwards, longing for my lost baby. I now want to tell others considering abortion, "Don't do it!" If I had someone telling me, "God has a plan for this child, give her/him a chance!" I would not have done it. It's as simple as that!
I was devastated that I had taken my own child’s life! I went through many years of pain and suffering and hating myself.
I came out of that darkness a completely new person. I thank God for never leaving my side, for forgiveness, never ending grace, and the gift of knowledge that I have a son in heaven. His name is Jared.
Until the day the memories and the pain surfaced and demanded attention. After sharing this pain and regret with trusted friends.
I wasted so many years of my life burdened by shame and regret that I would never want another person to feel and that is why I’m Silent No More
The Lord healed me through sharing with others, after 25 years of silence, and the healing I see others begin, through my testimony, is why I am Silent No More.
This is not a blob of tissue and the repercussions never end. This is a big business that only sees you as a commodity and has lied to you through so many channels that you now believe the lie. Had I had an ultrasound the week before my procedure there would have been another life on this planet, and one less small torn body in a plastic container somewhere in a back room.
I will tell you that I am silent no more because I want you to know that it was a wrong decision to have an abortion. There are good alternatives. Alternatives that are good and pure and right. Alternatives that will not leave you with a hole in your heart. I am silent no more.
I had a tendency of protecting others when there was no need. What was most revealing was my tendency to quit or not finish things. Even today, I have to watch out for that bad habit. Abortion does have long lasting effects on a person’s life.
As time went on after the abortion, I felt and experienced anger, rage, sadness, grief, regret, shame, remorse, and pain. I continued to use drugs until I was 26 to mask the pain I was feeling.
When I went to the clinic I felt embarrassed. I was given the abortion pill and was told I may get a few cramps. I was not told the excruciating pain I would feel for hours until the sac went through. My abortion was explained to me as something that was common and normal.
During the process, which was impersonal hurried and devastating, I cried out to Jesus to forgive me. I believe that it surprised the doctor so much that he botched it as I hemorrhaged afterwards and ended up miscarrying fully almost a month later. I considered suicide at several points and felt such sin and remorse that it nearly overtook me.