"I immediately felt the weight of what I had done. That shame and guilt lead me down a long path of self-destructive behavior that followed me for 30 years! "
"It would forever be our 'dirty little secret'. Once I had the abortion, we never spoke of it again."
"They told me that I was going to have the abortion. I didn’t know how to stand up to them or get away from them. I didn’t know where to go and how to support myself and a child."
"I have regretted this now for 25 years. The pain is awful, and I sometimes feel like I can’t cope with the pain and the guilt."
"My baby. My poor baby. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry."
"After years of pain, I went through a healing program and was able to receive God’s forgiveness and forgive myself. I finally feel free from the shame, and that is why I am silent no more!"
"Before I found healing there were very few nights that it didn't haunt me and very few days that I didn't have an unhealthy fear that something would happen to my only living child. There were few seasons that I didn't punish myself in some unhealthy or destructive way, but I didn't understand why that was, at least not until I found the road to freedom."
"The Planned Parenthood was cold. Women were crying, and no one seemed to care. The doctor did not help me, and I felt uninformed by the people in clinic. I felt alone and humiliated, and they wouldn't let me see the ultrasound."
"And that’s why am I talking about this, because people who have had abortions must heal, because when they are healed, they will tell the truth about abortion, and babies’ lives will be saved."
"The abortion experience was so dehumanizing, humiliating, and traumatic. The clinic and doctor treated me the worst. As I cried and screamed during the procedure, they told me, 'Be quiet, we don’t want you to scare other patients.' It was the most disturbing experience of my life."
"There is no such thing as a safe abortion because a child dies. We think abortion is the solution to the problem, but it is actually the beginning. I have talked to older women who have said, 'I had an abortion, now I am married. I have children, but I am still not fine'."
"The clinic was cold and heartless. The employees and staff just wanted my insurance money and, as far as I can remember, provided no support. After the abortion I continued on a downward spiral of alcoholism and other sinful ways."
"Todo lo que quería hacer era escapar y alejarme de ella y de toda la situación. Me sentí temeroso pero liberado; me di cuenta de lo bajo que podía llegar. Caí en una depresión aguda, alcoholismo, e incrementé mi consumo de drogas."
"At the time I thought that telling my parents I was pregnant would be the hardest thing I would ever do, but I was wrong. The hardest thing I would ever do is to live without my son or daughter every day of my life, because I had an abortion. The physical and emotional pain was more than I could bear. "
"Initially, I felt relieved that my 'problem' was 'solved,' but the relief was replaced with shame, guilt, regret, and anguish. I became promiscuous, drowned my sorrow in alcohol, lived a life in denial of my past, and avoided thinking about anything to do with my abortions."
"Now I wanted a baby more than ever and, to make matters worse, I lost custody of my 3-year-old son. I completely lost myself in the world. I felt disgusted and so ashamed and no one knew. I planned to take my own life so many times but never had success. All I wanted was to die."
"I remember waking up feeling devastated, hoping it was a terrible nightmare, but also confused, empty, lost, broken, and shocked. I felt as though a piece of me was left at that cold, dead, hopeless place when I walked out that evening."
"Having gotten that abortion was the single most selfish act that I have ever committed. I thank God that He has forgiven me. I hope that I can help women understand that a child's life is worth having to change one's plans."
"I received no empathy or comfort. No hug, no nothing! I was confused, angry, and lonely. I felt low-down, and I couldn’t tell anyone. I asked God to forgive me, but I couldn’t forgive myself because, to me, it was unforgivable."
"I know God has forgiven me, but I have never forgiven myself. How could I have done that? Knowing how and what they did to my baby... what I did to my baby. "
"I'm still healing, and I think it’s because it's hard to tell people that I had an abortion. I feel the baby was a girl."
"People often say that a victim of rape wouldn’t want anything to do with a resulting child, that the baby would be a horrible reminder of what happened. For me, the abortion is my reminder of what could have been, a reminder that God had a purpose for my daughter."
"I am loved and forgiven. I am worthy to be a wife and a mother someday, and I pray that God brings that favor upon me. I am redeemed. I am beautifully broken. I’m using my story to reach those who have sailed the same ship and prevent others from boarding it."
I have been on both side of the debate--adamantly pro-choice (volunteering, marching) and now boldly pro-life (speaking, publishing, teaching, marching). God has been so kind to heal me completely, and I feel joy and all the other emotions more than ever before—freedom is awesome! And that's why I'm silent no more.
"It wasn't until 2013, when I went to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, that I had a major breakthrough. That is where I learned that God had completely forgiven me, and I chose to forgive myself. I had held myself hostage for over 30 years because of that horrible decision I made at 17."