I was devastated that I had taken my own child’s life! I went through many years of pain and suffering and hating myself.
I came out of that darkness a completely new person. I thank God for never leaving my side, for forgiveness, never ending grace, and the gift of knowledge that I have a son in heaven. His name is Jared.
Until the day the memories and the pain surfaced and demanded attention. After sharing this pain and regret with trusted friends.
I wasted so many years of my life burdened by shame and regret that I would never want another person to feel and that is why I’m Silent No More
The Lord healed me through sharing with others, after 25 years of silence, and the healing I see others begin, through my testimony, is why I am Silent No More.
This is not a blob of tissue and the repercussions never end. This is a big business that only sees you as a commodity and has lied to you through so many channels that you now believe the lie. Had I had an ultrasound the week before my procedure there would have been another life on this planet, and one less small torn body in a plastic container somewhere in a back room.
I will tell you that I am silent no more because I want you to know that it was a wrong decision to have an abortion. There are good alternatives. Alternatives that are good and pure and right. Alternatives that will not leave you with a hole in your heart. I am silent no more.
I had a tendency of protecting others when there was no need. What was most revealing was my tendency to quit or not finish things. Even today, I have to watch out for that bad habit. Abortion does have long lasting effects on a person’s life.
As time went on after the abortion, I felt and experienced anger, rage, sadness, grief, regret, shame, remorse, and pain. I continued to use drugs until I was 26 to mask the pain I was feeling.
When I went to the clinic I felt embarrassed. I was given the abortion pill and was told I may get a few cramps. I was not told the excruciating pain I would feel for hours until the sac went through. My abortion was explained to me as something that was common and normal.
During the process, which was impersonal hurried and devastating, I cried out to Jesus to forgive me. I believe that it surprised the doctor so much that he botched it as I hemorrhaged afterwards and ended up miscarrying fully almost a month later. I considered suicide at several points and felt such sin and remorse that it nearly overtook me.
Choice is misdirected by youth. It is an act of God to bring children into this world. Culture is the abuser. It violates human needs. People need love and life skills education and careful training to establish a healthy happy quality of life and development of individual potential and happiness.
You see, I never addressed the source of my downturn. Abortion is an evil that often works in secrecy creating an environment filled with deep shame and eventual self-loathing. Here satan works freely, because you are wrapped up in living a lie, in total isolation, pressing on through despondency and even despair.
Abortion is not a quick fix. It does not save reputations or relationships, in fact it does the opposite. Abortion being empowering? Think again.
I was a mess and started thinking of a way to get out of this position. Run away to a maternity home and start my life? I was so sad and had no one with me now. Not my parents, not my brothers, nor my baby father. I would sit in bed every night crying to hug my mother because I needed someone.
Peggy and Anna share their loss and how they found Freedom and Healing in Jesus.
Confronting my sin face to face, seeing the lives of my children, feeling the crushing weight, I realized that I was in desperate need of grace. So, I boldly went before the throne of Jesus, confessed my sin and repented. He met me with compassion and gave me the most incredible gift I have ever been given. Not a gift that I deserved, but one He freely gave to me anyway.
I used to be Pro Choice because I didn’t know any better. Christ has opened my eyes to the truth. I want to make it my life’s mission to save those who are unable to speak for themselves and to be a voice of reason to other young ladies.
I plan to attend a National Day of Remembrance in front of Planned Parenthood every year to give myself permission to mourn the loss of my baby girl. That’s something most post abortion survivors don’t give themselves. Now, I want to dedicate the rest of my life to ending abortion in our nation and the world.
Because of the healing and love I have received, and the healing and transformation I have witnessed first-hand in others, I am Silent NO more. I cannot be silent. The enemy convinced us through his tactics that abortion is the best option and then afterwards he condemns us for our actions leading us to feel worthless and empty.
During the abortion procedure I experienced a lot of pain. The clinic staff were not helpful or kind and did not act like they cared about me at all. I have vivid memories of the things I saw, heard and smelled that day.
Like the hemorrhaging woman from the New Testament of the Bible, I wanted to be healed. I don't want other young women to go through what I have experienced. Life is short, and every life is sacred and beautiful!
The abortion I had when I was just 19 really has ruined the rest of my life. Once upon a time I thought it might get better over time and maybe I might heal. I have not healed at all. It has been 15 years and I am as a sad and depress and despondent about the entire situation as I have ever been.
I am hopeful that by sharing my story, I will touch a broken heart that is longing for healing. Despite our bad choice, we all deserve to be happy, feel GOD's mercy, love and forgiveness. That's why I am silent no more! My son's life will not go in vain.