I believed all the feminist lies. The feminists say they are for women, that they care about women but where are they after the abortion? Where are they when you’ve realized the horror of what you’ve done? They cannot be found.
I found myself alone, weeping, and wondering why did I keep going through this? I had years before turned to alcohol and continued to use it as a way to numb the grief and sorrow that overwhelmed me confronted with anything that brought the past back to me. Anger and sadness were my companions for many, many years. BUT GOD!
I had my first abortion at 16. I had my last abortion at 29. In those 13 years, I had 9 abortions. It's so hard saying it out loud. I look back on every single one and wonder if that was really me who did this in hopes that it was all a terrible dream. Sadly, it wasn't a dream and I chose to kill all 9 of my children.
I was 16 and in a relationship with a much older man who was 26. My relationship with my mother was not a close one and as my parents were separated before I was born, I didn't speak often to my father.
I learned the truth about my situation was this: I had resources and options available to me. And the pain of abortion isn't easily solvable. It seems to grow with time.
I have suffered from lost motherhood after having 5 abortions over a 20-year span of time. The grief and loss of this repeated wrong decision to abort my living children from the womb was debilitating for many years.
The way I see it, if sharing my story saves even one baby from being murdered before being given a chance at life then I have done my job. Because of someone sharing their story and leading me to a Bible study I am no longer silent about my abortion.
Very blessed and successful and yet, there’s a feeling of guilt lingering. In addition, there’s the fact that we may or may not be where we are if she had kept our child. Many emotions come with this state in our lives.
Until I was saved by Yeshua in 2023, I experienced internal condemnation. I know that I have been forgiven by Christ. Because of that, I no longer condemn myself. But even now, 50 Years later, I still feel sorrow for what I did.