I had my abortion when I was 17. I was on my own, trying to figure out life.  My boyfriend and I moved in together, and I was abandoned by my family, so I thought I had to do anything to make the relationship work. 

I drove myself to the abortion clinic.  There were protesters and a guy dressed as Uncle Sam screaming. I made my way in the door. I was looking forward to getting this over with, so I could get in my way. There was a problem, however.  I was further along than expected, and I had to do the seaweed insert and come back the next day. The clinic was cold and just interested to the point of what needed to be done. I can't believe I didn't back out. I went along with it, thinking it was going to give me a second chance. 

I was such a mess because of all the abandonment in my life.  All I was concerned with was when I could step back into my sex life. I thought if my boyfriend didn't get what he wanted I would be homeless.

I was in an environment of drinking and drugs.  I never thought I would do the things I did. I used more and more to try to numb my pain. I began to cheat on my boyfriend for drugs and was in a downward spiral. 

I struggled with my self-worth more than ever, which took me into an unhealthy co-dependency lifestyle. I would do anything, sacrifice anything, to make people love me. 
I accepted Christ at 28 and saw a video of what abortion really was. I knew at that moment that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. 

I also found out from my aunt that the physical scars I have always had and needed answers about were the result of my own mother’s failed abortion attempt of me. She would use lye in a douche until she passed out. She would wake up and do it over and over. I was burned, but I survived.  

Several years later I found myself at a crisis pregnancy center. I went through the Forgiven Set Free study and started to volunteer. I thought I was healing. Unfortunately, I never really surrendered my will to Christ and because of the pain I chose to bury it, which was almost was my demise. 

It wasn't until 2013, when I went to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, that I had a major breakthrough. I was also participating in Celebrate Recovery. That is where I learned that God had completely forgiven me, and I chose to forgive myself. I had held myself hostage for over 30 years because of that horrible decision I made at 17.  

After making the decision to forgive myself, it opened the doors for God to really do a healing work in my life. I am totally different than I've ever been my entire life.  I am so full of joy and happiness, and I no longer have regrets, and that's why I'm silent no more. I want to be able to unlock the chains for other women, so they can know that they don't have to hold themselves hostage anymore, either.

Priests for Life
PO Box 236695 • Cocoa, FL 32923
Tel. 321-500-1000, Toll Free 888-735-3448 • Email: mail@priestsforlife.org