Nilda
I was only 19 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I ended up getting married; I had two daughters and one miscarriage. Although my marriage turned into an abusive relationship, I tried to stay in the marriage for awhile. Eventually, I left my husband. When I left, I felt that my world had been shattered. I was angry and I didn’t know where to begin. I was a lost soul in the world.
As time went by, I started dating again. Shortly after that, I got pregnant. I remembered my conversation with my mom. She warned me not to come out pregnant again. Also my husband was still pursuing me, although we were separated. When I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant, he told me to have the baby and that he would help me. I was fearful, thinking about my husband and my mom. I didn’t know what to do and who to turn to for help. I didn’t want any more children and I was afraid of everyone’s reaction.
One day I was crying at work when a doctor came in to the office. He asked why I was crying and I told him. He said that wasn’t a problem, that he would refer me to his friend to have an abortion. He explained that being 4-6 weeks didn’t mean anything it was just a little blood clot. I went along with it.
The day of the abortion, I was confused and afraid, but I thought that was the right thing to do. When I was called into the room, the doctor asked why I was so nervous. I told her I was afraid and she told me not to worry that it would be over soon. After the abortion, I buried the secret. I ended up having another abortion and my life changed drastically. For years I suffered with guilt, shame, and pain for what I had done. I felt like a criminal. I was promiscuous. I tried to find love in the wrong places. I got married three times with no success. I thought God will never forgive me for my sins and I could not forgive myself either. Oh, if only I would have told my mom. I found out the hard way that abortion was not the solution to my problem. I tormented myself for many years. Even suffering seemed good to me because I felt it was a way of purifying my soul. I thought I was being punished for my sins.
I always attended Sunday Mass, but I never had peace. There was a little hope inside of me that some day after many sufferings, perhaps I will find forgiveness. What I failed to realized was that God had forgiven me already. I was too hard on myself; I needed to forgive myself too. I thank God that he kept me away from drugs, alcohol abuse, and suicide. He kept me safe. I married for the fourth time, but this time I sought out God’s guidance. The Lord answered my prayer by giving me a wonderful husband. I have been happily married for 11 years.
Although I attended retreats and joined some ministries in my church, I wasn’t able to find peace and forgiveness. However, I found myself getting closer to God. I started going to mass every day and visiting the Blessed Sacrament frequently. I try to persevere in my faith.
Early this year my friend from church approach me and told me God told her to speak to me about pro-life and about abortion and she didn’t know why. I covered my face and started crying. She invited me to attend a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat and I told her I would call her. I attended the retreat in April. It was there where that I finally found healing through God’s mercy and love.
I am free at last, my secret is out and as a result I have chosen to be Silent No More. In the retreat, I restored my children’s dignity and gave them the respect they deserved. Through my testimony, I pray I can help others find hope, forgiveness, and healing. I also want to make people aware of the consequences and the impact that abortion has on their lives.
Sally
I really thought I was okay for about twenty-two years, even though I felt a sense of depression, loneliness and pain. I’m not sure of the reason.
I was invited by Emily Gonzalez, in 2011, to a Rachel's Vineyard weekend Retreat in Spanish, after my daughter lost her baby, and I told Emily I had worked at a GYN doctor’s office where abortions were performed. I also helped set up appointments for abortions.
I worked there for about three weeks. About a week into working I found out that there was a doctor there who performed late-term abortions up to twenty-six weeks.
That didn't sit well with me since at that time I really thought it was "just a blood clot."
We had just moved to Florida from New Jersey and my husband didn't have a job yet. As soon as he found a job I quit. In fact, I remember leaving around the middle of the day. I left crying and told the office manager I couldn't do it anymore because the "late term" abortions tore my heart apart.
At the retreat, then and only then, I realized the depth of the pain I had caused not only for myself, but also for many other women. As I heard and saw the extreme pain these women were in, and how many babies I helped murder, I felt like all the women that I set those appointments for were there next to me and I could hear them crying and suffering and I could see the babies I helped murder.
Through this beautiful Rachel's Vineyard Retreat, I found the beautiful mercy our Lord Jesus Christ has given us and how much he LOVES us and wants us to serve him to help bring others to him, and to fight the war for the unborn, for those little souls that do not have a voice.
And how our LORD works…When my Mom was pregnant with me her Doctor told her that this would be her 12th child and she and the baby would be at risk of dying and she said “well aren’t ever going to die?” “Well if it is God’s will for me to die, then let it be, for it is the same for me to die today or tomorrow.” “Who knows if this one will be the one looking out for me when I am an old lady.” (And that is exactly how it was; I was there for her until she died December 24, 2010 at 3:00 p.m. Divine Mercy hour.)
May God pour his mercy upon each person that reads my story and help you also be that warrior God wants us all to be! Amen.