The nightmare continues

I was pregnant and I was made to have an abortion. When I was pregnant again, abortion was mentioned again. I left my husband until a safe place of pregnancy, and we got back together. I was in a critical car accident when I was 5 months pregnant. I was in intensive care for 10 days and had many broken bones, etc. but delivered my baby girl 4 months later naturally.

When my first born was 3 months old, I became pregnant again for my second child. I was again actually taken and forced into my 2nd abortion clinic. At that point, I was 1 month further along than expected and the clinic wanted to send me somewhere where they could to ahead and terminate the pregnancy. I refused once again, left -- and gave birth to my baby.

I had two of the most gorgeous precious baby girls and thought life now was what I'd always dreamed!

Wrong. My husband began drinking heavily. I soon became pregnant again. This was the worst thing I thought could happen to me because I knew what his response would be.

The abuse began and I mean terrible beatings and I knew if I didn't go for the abortion he'd kill our baby and maybe me also.

I do also need you to know that I was on the pill, had a diaphragm, and an IUD and became pregnant or had medical problems with all of them.

Anyways, I went for now my 2nd termination. Next, was 6 weeks after my 2nd termination and I was pregnant again!

This is the horror story of them all!!

I wrote him a beautiful letter and a poem explaining I felt so strong about this pregnancy and so connected with my unborn child. The next morning I woke-up with a note taped to my wall above my head in bed that said "If you try to have this baby, I will kill you because you're destroying everything I'm trying to give you!!'

If I'd been smart then, I'd realize the only thing that he'd given me to that point was my 2 beautiful daughters.

The nightmare continues because he found a friend of his (acquaintance of mine) to take me to an abortion clinic where they'd put me to sleep.

So, the place was chosen -- this time he was supposed to be with me because he never had before. Well, he sent the friend to take me and this friend was 9 months pregnant, due in 2 weeks and I had to go sit inside this place with this woman beside me and all these other women around getting ready to terminate life -- including myself -- and she's ready to give life??

Anyway, before the abortion I could not eat or drink for 12 hours or so before and several hours after. I was taken home, dropped off, took up-stairs (could not climb up or down stairs), and left to lay alone for 6 hours!!

Finally, my husband comes home -- drunk, dirty and greasy -- and knelt down beside my bed and said, "Honey you do know I could never hate you for keeping something we created while making love, don't you?" At that point something snapped inside of me and 2 weeks later my parents flew me back home!

Well, call me a fool but eventually I went back. Lots of reasons behind that; but anyway I was back for 6 weeks and became pregnant again. I'll never forget the day I told him! His words were, "you know how I feel."

So for 2 weeks, I snuck things out of the apartment little by little while he was at work, and left him for good. I came back home and delivered my last born and only son! As far as myself and how I've handled it is not easy. It's a daily battle; but I've taken it to the altar, given it to the Lord, and meditate a lot.